OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You pole danced in your parka.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
