You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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