someone get that fucking seahorse.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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