i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
