apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
