he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
