I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
