He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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