Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
