What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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