Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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