You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
