You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
