cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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