Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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