I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
dude. I can hear the air.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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