wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
