I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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