Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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