Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
