After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Drunk is not a location!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
