hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
