She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
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Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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