I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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