I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize