Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
