You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
