the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
