True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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