So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
