My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
