I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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