So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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