I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I got inside last night via doggy door
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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