Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
