my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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