hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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