Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
