Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
third nipple confirmed
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
