Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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