I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
