you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
