well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
