If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
