it hurts more in the daytime
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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