dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just gargled with NyQuil
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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