New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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