Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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