don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
