i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
