drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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