It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
