He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
