As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
