eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
