I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
