I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
