No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
