The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
