Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
