with your own penis?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
